Feels like I’ve woke up in the twilight zone. Fifty degrees on a windy January day. That’s not normal. I’m the first one up at nine in the morning on a Friday. That’s not normal. I was told they wouldn’t get mad if there’s something I needed to tell them…that’s not fucking normal at all.
Maybe that’s why I don’t belive them.
Or is it myself I don’t belive? I’ve been down this road before. Except this time the terrain has changed. And I’m further from comfort than before.
I’ve operated in the shadows as I’ve always done; got transcripts, applied to the community colleges, so on and etc. So why do not believe this will be enough? Maybe my body can’t handle admitting failure and defeat. Maybe I need to cause I don’t know who I am anymore. That my ambitions aren’t worth more than a yearlong stint at a community college. Maybe I failed because that wasn’t my path.
Too bad all this only makes sense to me.