It’s weird to find someone with such a magnetic hold on you. A gravitational pull that stops you mid-thought. You being to appreciate living in the present. For me, that past felt more like home. Always drawing comparisons between my past and present self. Debating whether progress has been made. Personal achievement versus personal growth.
So here I am, caught in the moment- every moment with him. I look forward to our time together. Get excited even when he’s right next to me. Become disappointed when our next meeting is delayed. Delayed because we know we’ll see each other again. It’s this fluidity; an unspoken assurance that I’ve always wanted but never had.
Living in the present brings its fair share of grief. Better yet, a burden. At least for me. I’m more aware of my emotions, therefore more open in displaying them. Normally, I am able to keep them in check, but my filter was down and I became overwhelmed. It was an exhausting, but rewarding experience. Even when I felt physically depressed, he could still lift my spirits and keep my head straight.
He tames my chaos with his every word.