pause&play

After enduring another snow storm (seriously, if I see more of that white stuff I’m going to gouge my eyes out), a week and a half of not seeing the dear boyfriend, and a stressful school week; I’m beginning to see the light.

Here’s a quick checklist why I’m beaming right now:

  • No more snow.  Check.  No.  Seriously.  Not another inch.  I mean it.
  • Quality time with him.  Finally.  Check.
  • 98% in my Networking Class. CHECK.

Of course, I had to become a hermit for a day, then proceed to go insane over my college path.  I swear, the more time I spend in my head the more I start to scare myself.  It’s not a nice place to be once it’s been deprived of human interaction.  Let me rephrase that, desired human interaction.  My ‘rents and my brother just aren’t cutting it.  To be honest, I don’t think we even saw each other that day until dinner…

Anyway, once I became desperately bored, I started to look ahead at my future as an educator.  Staring into my computer screen at three in the morning, overwhelmed by the possibility that I don’t know what I’m getting myself into.  Frozen by the fear that I would repeat history.  I began to calculate, plan, and process; like I always do.  I had all the dots, but was unsure where to draw the lines.  I’m doing something I obviously enjoy, I have a clear idea of what I want to become; it’s everything in between that frightens me.  It’s the uncertainty of my journey into uncharted waters.  I’m the one to plot a true course; steering clear of any potential failure.

There was one thing I had to accept before I could even put this plan in action:

There is nothing wrong with starting over.

That’s what I’m doing.  With everything.  School, friends, relationship, career, family.  Everything I didn’t have the chance to experience, I will.  Everything I felt was wrong, will become right.

Sometimes to end is to being again.

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