Things have been getting pretty heavy for me lately. It’s time to purge myself of these unnecessary burdens.
I care too much about what people think of me. That’s because I support people and expect the same in return. It’s courtesy. If that makes me sensitive so be it. I’ve accepted many positions of responsibility in my life, without receiving much gratitude. I can agree with that in most instances. But when it comes to people who I trust, I value their opinion. Almost to the point it becomes fact.
I say this because I try to look out in the best interest of those I care about. I don’t expect them to do the same, but I expect support. Even feigned excitement will suffice. But if I don’t receive that much, I feel inadequate. That what I’m doing is not god enough to gain recognition. Sure everyone says, Do whatever you want; but will they honestly support you? Or is that their way of saying, I really don’t care what you do as long as it doesn’t affect me negatively. Because as soon as you become an inconvenience for that person (through change in attitude, location, occupation, etc.), you then have to prove yourself back into the circle.
That’s where I am. Trying to prove that change is inevitable. To prove that consistency bests the anxiety. To acknowledge change has taken place within me and between me and others. Cue the cliche- to prove that I’m the same person. That’s the consistency.
Moreover, I’m trying to prove myself to myself.