Yes, I do own a printer. Yes, my social life has suffered because of it.
1. Going 5-7 days without drinking. Whenever I’m at a bar and say, “Wow, I can’t remember the last time I drank something. Could it have been 2 weeks? Jesus!” *pats self on the back* Then I start to do the math in my head and realize I had that glass of wine at dinner three days ago and, oh wait, I got totally wasted at that work event last weekend. Oops. I guess “a long time” translates to a single blink, a gulp of water, and one night in which I went to bed early.
2. Clearing out your Gmail inbox. Is anyone — 20-something or not — actually able to do this? It takes superhuman strength and perhaps a sliver of Adderall to accomplish said task. But damn if it doesn’t feel good when there are no emails bolded in your inbox. You feel weightless. You…
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