The End of an Era: College Redux

It’s not official yet, but I’m on track to establishing the Spring 2013 semester as the best I’ve ever done. So I’m poppin’ bottles, lining up the coke-


In all seriousness, I have redeemed myself from the mediocrity known as my first five years of college.  No, I do not hold any kind of degree.  Therefore, I have postponed the fanfare of entering the “real world”.  No, I am not a dropout (technically speaking I was kicked out).  No, I do not enjoy living with my parents at age 22.  Nor do I enjoy the shitty retail job I will be leaving soon.

Yes, I decided that I would continue my path towards CareerLand, instead of wasting away at my soul-sucking job.  Yes, I go to community college with 80+ college credits under my belt.  Yes, that may need to sink in a bit.  Yes, I am 22 living at home for the first time in five years.  And fuck yes do I enjoy bathrooms/kitchens/halls/rooms clean of piss, shit, and vomit from a rager the night before.

How is this the end? 

The choices I’ve made defined me as the “alcoholic druggy frat guy who recently came out”.  My priorities were as follows:

  1. Drinking
  2. Drinking
  3. Drinking
  4. Turning 21
  5. Going the bar (once)
  6. Drinking
  7. Food

Nine times out of ten, I choose buying more booze to continue my bender over sustenance.  My numerous bed-ridden hangovers confirmed that.  Since I have moved away from that alcoholic black hole, I have managed to remain sober.  By the way, my standards for sobriety are way lower than what you’d expect.  If I can enjoy a few drinks the night before and wake up in time to actually shower before facing society; I’m sober.  Sorry Jameson, I can’t quit you.  To spare more details, excessive drinking, while fun, became an expectation.  Never let something so inherently unhealthy become expected of you.  Am I saying I’ll never get white-girl wasted again?  Of course not.  Now that I understand hard work should be rewarded, you can expect I will reward myself.

This is the end because I have rediscovered myself.

College: The Sequel

I have delivered.  I have done what most intelligent people do; applied myself.  This is partly due to the fact that the “New Car Smell” of a clean slate in a place where no one knows your name (sound’s like a country song) creates excitement.  Therefore, I went to class almost every day.  I missed once.  I have done the complete opposite and only attended a class once.  I can also say that I have passed a class with B following that mindset, but I will save that for another time.

I wanted to experience college again.  I grew stale of that pseudo-college town.  Inebriation was the only way I could tolerate it and it’s inhabitants.  But here, I was able to become a Born-Again college student.  Praise Jesus for I have seen the light.  All jokes aside, being able to experience the misery of going to school every waking day gave me new-found respect for those I dogged.  Work was rarely procrastinated.  Well, it was reasonably procrastinated.  I participated in class.  Yea, me.  The guy that shows up, sits down, takes notes, then leaves; completely unnoticed.  I used to like it that way.  Now, I could give a rat’s ass if I make a fool of myself talking about how I’d kill all my daughter’s boyfriends.  Cause I would, so watch out you spermy assholes.

I don’t want to sound like I had a problem, but sobriety has made a difference.  The temptation of staying in bed all day or skipping out on a paper because of drinking/being drunk/hungover has dissipated.  I didn’t have an addiction, I had a priority misalignment.  As I’ve said many times before, drinking was paramount.  Once separated from the expectation of drinking every night cause you’re in college (why not) and social ostracizing of being a buzzkill, clarity was reached.

I was returned to my purest state.  You know what I mean- that state of wide-eyed awe, naivety, and innoence bestowed upon every “good kid before they enter college”.  That’s where I am now.  Where I feel like I am mentally.  Determined.  Focused.  Untainted.  Brand-new.  Try to hold onto that.  Because the booze and drugs will fade; what will you hope remains?

Here’s where I say all my hard work paid off.  What’s interesting is work isn’t hard if you’re enjoying it.  So no, hard work didn’t pay off.  I performed at the level I knew best.  As a result, I received the first 4.0 in my drawn-out college career.  I’ve even been accepted into my school’s Honor’s Program.  All this good news is bittersweet.  This what I’ve always been capable of, but literally drank it all down the drain.

So here I am.  Twenty-two.  Restarting my college career.  Exactly where I want to be.


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