I’m pretty good at that. I don’t ever make it a point to stop being friends with someone. I don’t normally devote my time and energy to sabotaging friendships. I would like to say that most people feel the same way, but there are some sick fucks out there.
When losing friends, you can’t say you never saw it coming. There’s a moment, usually separation or extreme annoyance, when you doubt the Forever in BFFs. What begins to bring the walls of Paradise down is a lack of understanding.
Not to sound condescending, but there’s a difference between always being there and always understanding. You will become part of a group whose members will be there for you in your time of need. But will they understand or bother to ask why you were in need at that time? Or has “helping a friend” become the equivalent of a blowjob; a polite courtesy.
Lasting friendships depend on a lot of variables. There’s no getting around it. There’s no shame in letting distance, abuse, ignorance be the cause for an end. I know that every human being has tried to prolong a friendship; it’s in our nature to share our lives with another. Sometimes, it just stops with no one at fault. Just separation.
Here are some ways to lose friends without trying:
- Move. Distance complicates everything. Some see it as an excuse to flake on plans. Some don’t see distance all. To others, it becomes another facet of life to balance. Maybe you moved for work or school. Maybe you didn’t even move that far away. What once was daily visits, become planned excursions. That can become an issue when both parties don’t understand a shift in priorities.
- Priorities. This is probably the hardest of all to adjust to. You get older. You go to college, you graduate. You get a “good” job. You start dating seriously. Your priorities change. It’s a fact of life. Please, don’t see this as someone becoming jealous of the other. While jealousy is a real possibility, I don’t believe it leads to the crumbling of friendships. A friend may begin to pull away due to the demands of their life. Add distance and the stress is doubled- for both.
- Identity. We all meet people at different stages of our lives. As much as we want to believe that we will forever remain our college-like selves, we won’t. Ask your parents. You will change. You will think who you are now is who you will be. Untrue. You will be introduced to an event that will literally be life-altering. These are called epiphanies. Recognize them. Maybe you even revert back to that version of yourself you always thought you were. Regardless, you will be looked upon differently. You may constantly be compared to the you that they knew; when you were “fun”. They should instead embrace and celebrate your growth as a human being.
So try to avoid doing these things if you want friends. Well, the same friends. The same job. The same, boring life. The fact is, you won’t be able to prevent these moments from happening. You shouldn’t. It makes you human. If you still have great, caring friends while enduring all of that- then that makes you an exceptional one. Kudos, friend.